Showing vs. Telling
OWFI July Virtual Workshop Transcript
July 26, 2018
Staci Mauney [6:33 PM]
Hey, everyone! Feel free to chat until the presentation begins at 7:00.
Linda Apple [6:34 PM]
Hi Prez!
Staci Mauney [6:34 PM]
I'm very excited about your presentation, Vickey. I can't wait to see what you have to say!
Hi, Linda!
Thanks for moderating for us tonight!
Linda Apple [6:34 PM]
*shaking in her chair* Hey, no problem...
Julia Mozingo [6:34 PM]
I'm here, but on the road.
Linda Apple [6:35 PM]
Hi Julia!!!Where are you traveling???
Patricia McKnight [6:36 PM]
Is this where the presentation will start? @
Linda Apple [6:36 PM]
Hi Patricia! Yes!
Patricia McKnight [6:36 PM]
Great. Can't wait.
Julia Mozingo [6:36 PM]
I'm not driv8ng. :-D
Linda Apple [6:37 PM]
I hope not Julia!!!
Only that 8 has me a little worried
Julia Mozingo [6:38 PM]
I keep losing connection, so I might have to get a transcript.
Bumpy road.
Linda Apple [6:39 PM]
While we are waiting, tell me about your current writing projects!
All of you1
I'm just playing around to see what I can do on this platform. This is Winston wondering what the heck I'm doing. :slightly_smiling_face:
Julia Mozingo [6:42 PM]
Ah, love Winston.
Linda Apple [6:42 PM]
I have a feeling he will want to report on Virtual Workshops. I can see it in his eyes.
vickey malone kennedy [6:44 PM]
My presentation may be a little short. But, that leaves lots of time for questions and class participation.
Julia Mozingo [6:44 PM]
My current writing projects ... have a full ms with an editor who requested it; have rewritten an old full ms; starting work on a short story
Linda Apple [6:44 PM]
Julia!!!! Awesome!!!!
Julia Mozingo [6:44 PM]
Thanks!
vickey malone kennedy [6:45 PM]
I danced a jig when I figured out how to upload photos. I only have a few.
Linda Apple [6:45 PM]
Vck, when have you been short on anything????
I would have loved to see that!
:slightly_smiling_face:
Julia Mozingo [6:45 PM]
Yea, Vickey!
Staci Mauney [6:45 PM]
I've been participating in Camp NaNoWriMo this month to finish my cozy mystery. My goal is 20,000 words, and I stalled out at 5,000. But I'm still happy with my progress! And I have a few more days to write the other 15,000 words! :open_mouth:
Linda Apple [6:46 PM]
Awesome Staci. I thought nnwm was in November?
vickey malone kennedy [6:46 PM]
I'm long winded when I talk. But, short stories are my forte.
Julia Mozingo [6:46 PM]
Keep going, Staci.
Linda Apple [6:46 PM]
A few days for 15k...piece of cake...:face_with_rolling_eyes:
Staci Mauney [6:47 PM]
It is. Camp NaNoWriMo is in July, and you set your own word count.
Linda Apple [6:47 PM]
Ahhhhh,
The November nnwm is how I finished my first novel
Julia Mozingo [6:47 PM]
They have a camp nano in April and July.
Linda Apple [6:47 PM]
That and Scrivener1
!
vickey malone kennedy [6:47 PM]
I intended to hang out with the NaNo campers this month. My schedule was way too full.
Julia Mozingo [6:48 PM]
We're glad you're hanging out with us, Vickey.
vickey malone kennedy [6:49 PM]
I am using my son's big computer tonight. The keyboard is so much wider than mine. I keep hitting the wrong keys. My computer keeps freezing up on me. I have two other computers open for back up, just in case.
Shelley Pagach [6:49 PM]
I did Camp NanoWrimo too, only because Staci made me :wink: I set a goal for 40,000 words and finish my first draft, and I hit it a couple of days ago. :smile:
Linda Apple [6:49 PM]
Hi Shelley! :slightly_smiling_face:
Staci Mauney [6:50 PM]
Great job, Shelley! :slightly_smiling_face:
vickey malone kennedy [6:50 PM]
Things come and go so quickly here. I hope I can keep up.
Linda Apple [6:50 PM]
Wowsers Shelley!!!!!
Shelley Pagach [6:50 PM]
Hi Linda!
I know. I don't know where it came from, but it's gone again. :slightly_smiling_face:
Staci Mauney [6:50 PM]
Vickey, it'll slow down when the presentation starts.
Linda Apple [6:51 PM]
Shelley, what genre is your book?
vickey malone kennedy [6:52 PM]
I still may not be able to keep up.
Linda Apple [6:52 PM]
We will let you set the pace Vck
vickey malone kennedy [6:52 PM]
slow and steady
Linda Apple [6:52 PM]
gotcha
Shelley Pagach [6:52 PM]
This one is a romance. Or at least my version of a romance. :wink:
vickey malone kennedy [6:53 PM]
whips and chains, Shelley?
Linda Apple [6:53 PM]
Baaaad girl Vck
Shelley Pagach [6:53 PM]
ROFL No...
Linda Apple [6:53 PM]
:joy:
vickey malone kennedy [6:54 PM]
I know, I'm probably the only one in here that writes those types of Romances.
Linda Apple [6:54 PM]
So, Vck...where do you do your research? Hmmmm?
Shelley Pagach [6:54 PM]
If I ever tried whips and chains, it would be more of a comedy than anything else...
Julia Mozingo [6:54 PM]
Hey, vck, they sell.
vickey malone kennedy [6:54 PM]
I hang out with some really racy people.
Linda Apple [6:55 PM]
Ahhhhhhh,
Myloe Yeager [6:55 PM]
I used to write them a lot and I have a great idea for a new one but I need to know where they sell.
vickey malone kennedy [6:56 PM]
amazon
Linda Apple [6:57 PM]
I was talking to my friend, Rhonda Penders, owner of The Wild Rose Press. She says book sales are really sagging all over
Julia Mozingo [6:57 PM]
Myloe, MuseItUp Publishing, Wild Rose Press
Linda Apple [6:57 PM]
They are trying new things. I guess that is why they haven't folded.
vickey malone kennedy [6:57 PM]
I think I have a dead mouse in my vents. Every time the air conditioner kicks on it stirs up a stink.
Myloe Yeager [6:57 PM]
This would be a short story probably, not a book.
Linda Apple [6:57 PM]
It got caught in one of your, ahem, chains
Julia Mozingo [6:58 PM]
Both do shorts
Shelley Pagach [6:58 PM]
the mouse or the chains?
Linda Apple [6:58 PM]
TWWP is now publishing Illustrated Children's Books! They call it the Poppy division
Haaaaaaaa haaaaa Shelley
Okay Ladies, It is time to get started.
Julia Mozingo [6:59 PM]
Wow! That's news, Linda.
Linda Apple [7:00 PM]
I've known Vickey for over 20 years. We met when we were 10...:face_with_rolling_eyes:. As you all know, this lady is beyond accomplished, fun, smart, talented, and I admire her. I can't wait to learn from her as I know all of you feel the same. SO, take it away VCK!
vickey malone kennedy [7:01 PM]
That was a quick intro. I didn't even have time to run to the potty.
Linda Apple [7:01 PM]
Opps, I guess I could do a virtual tap dance?
vickey malone kennedy [7:01 PM]
First let me say, Thank You OWFI for having me here this evening, and Thank You
to everyone for joining me tonight for SHOWING vs TELLING.
(Ominous echoing ing ing ing. Followed by scary music in the background.)
DISCLAIMERS:
I am not nearly as funny, or entertaining, online as I am in person.
How many of you are thinking I am not nearly as funny in person as I think I am?
My spelling sucks, and so does my auto correct app.
I took typing in high school. Yes, I am that old.
My max word count is 70. That may be fast on the highway, but it is supersonic
slow on a keyboard.
Please bear with me.
Grammar is irrelevant in chat sessions.
Q&A responses will not be edited.
The Shatner, comma, is, my, favorite, punctuation.
Don t, judge me. I m a Sci-fi fan.
Linda Apple [7:03 PM]
:grin:
vickey malone kennedy [7:03 PM]
INTRODUCTIONS
I am assuming most of you know me. If not, there is a lengthy bio in the ad for
this workshop.
Here s the Reader s Digest version.:girl: :girl:
My name confuses folks.
It s just vck pronounced VIC short for Vickey. :girl: :kiss: :man: :boy: :boy:
I started acting when I was eight. I married, had a baby, got a divorce, and
became a licensed nurse by twenty.
Later, I went back to college to study acting, set design, and light design.
In Grad School, at OSU, I met my third husband, had two more babies, and went
back to nursing full time.
Now, I am a full time writer, full time Granny, and a part-time movie star.
Okay, I m not really a star. Yet. :girl:
I haven t made it to Hollywood, but I have been an extra in movies and :girl:
television shows, and I have been on Broadway; for three seconds.
Yes, I was in Episode of American Gods.
ON WRITING
My mother says I started telling stories before I started speaking in complete
sentences.
Actually that makes complete sense.
Humans are natural born Storytellers.
Storytelling seems to be imprinted in our DNA.
There have been scientific studies theorizing fragments of ancestral history are
actually encoded into our DNA.
You can read a couple of articles later.
http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/ancestors-genetic-memories-passed-on-14-generations/
That may explain why a prodigy can pick up a musical instrument and play Mozart
without a single lesson. The theory is that at some point in history one of
their ancestors studied Mozart, or may have been Mozart, and that ancestor s :girl:
memories and training is embedded in the DNA of their progeny.
Storytelling started when cave men painted images on their dwelling walls in
pig s blood. Humans have been telling stories around campfires since we :girl:
developed the ability to communicate with words. We started writing stories long
before the invention of the printing press.
With such a dramatic genetic predisposition toward storytelling, you would think
we could do it in our sleep.
In fact most of us do.
Dreams are stories we tell ourselves when we are sleeping.
Cue the music for Cinderella, A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you re :kiss: :girl:
fast asleep. . .
Sorry, I m easily distracted. :girl:
Don't flash anything shiny in my direction.
You would also think storytelling would come to us so naturally, we would all be
famous writers, and no one would ever need a workshop on SHOWING vs TELLING.
Even experienced authors sometimes struggle with the concept, and the question:
What does SHOW don t TELL really mean?
***
Well, it s ELEMENTARY, my dear Watsons.
TELLING is BORING. SHOWING is ACTIVE.
We all remember those boring sentence diagrams in Elementary School.
I really hated those.
As writers we need to go beyond diagraming sentences to find the subject, verb,
and object of a sentence.
We need to find the images our sentences create in our reader s minds.
Example: JACK WENT TO TOWN.
Jack / went / town
Subject / verb /direct object
Grammatically it is completely correct.
It s completely BORING.:girl:
It s a completely TELLING.
It TELLS us some guy named, Jack, went somewhere.
It doesn t SHOW us WHY Jack went to town. :girl:
It doesn t SHOW us anything about Jack. It doesn t SHOW us anything about the :girl: :girl:
town.
:white_frowning_face:
Most importantly, it doesn t SHOW us HOW Jack went to town.:girl:
It s what I call a shopping list sentence. It s just a list of the facts, ma am.:girl: :kiss: :man: :girl: :girl:
If you string enough shopping list , just the facts , sentences together. You :kiss: :man: :kiss: :man:
end up with a very boring story.
The first step in turning a TELLING sentence into a SHOWING sentence is by
simply changing the verb from a passive verb to an active verb.
Passive verbs TELL. Active verbs SHOW.
To change JACK WENT TO TOWN from a boring TELLING sentence into an active
SHOWING sentence you just need to ask a few simple questions.
Start with HOW.
HOW did Jack go to town?
Did he: walk, run, ride a bike, ride a motorcycle, ride a horse, drive a car, a
boat, a covered wagon, fly a plane or a space ship, etc?
SHOWING us HOW Jack went to town can also SHOW us a lot about Jack.
If Jack is in elementary school, he might run to town, or ride his bike to town.
If he is a teenager, he might ride his shiny new motor-bike to town.
Okay, I know he's not a teenager. But, he looks so good on that bike.
If Jack is a playboy, he might drive his shiny new motor-car to town.
In fact, he looks so good, I had to see him twice.
Simply change the passive, TELLING verb went, to an active, SHOWING, verb like
drove.
JACK DROVE TO TOWN.
Better.
It SHOWS HOW Jack went to town. It even SHOWS Jack is old enough to drive.
But it's still got a long way to go.
It s still BORING.
Now ask WHAT did Jack drive to town?
JACK DROVE HIS SNOWMOBILE TO TOWN.
Things are getting a little more exciting.
First it SHOWS Jack is old enough to drive.
It SHOWS us Jack is mature and responsible enough to own a snowmobile.
Unless, he s only a teenager and the snowmobile was a gift.
Jack driving a snowmobile to town, shows us a WHEN, and even gives us an idea
WHERE the story takes place.
It s probably wintertime. It s probably in the 20th century or later.:girl: :girl:
Subliminally the reader visualizes snow covered mountains, or vast open ice
lands.
It s what I call the snowball effect. No pun intended.
By SHOWING WHAT takes Jack to town, we can SHOW a little bit about Jack, and
WHEN, and WHERE the story takes place.
What if:
JACK DROVE A COVERED WAGON TO TOWN.
SHOWS: The story is probably historical.
JACK RODE HIS DINOSAUR TO TOWN.
SHOWS: This story is obviously an alternative history.
An alternative history where Jack is now a girl.
JACK FLEW HIS SPACESHIP TO TOWN.
SHOWS: This story is probably set in the future, or on another planet, or in
another universe.
Now ask the question is WHY?
WHY did Jack go to town?
He went to town because he WANTED, or NEEDED something.
It s a completely TELLING. :girl:
It TELLS us some guy named, Jack, went somewhere.
It doesn t SHOW us WHY Jack went to town. :girl:
It doesn t SHOW us anything about Jack. It doesn t SHOW us anything about the :girl: :girl:
town.
Most importantly, it doesn t SHOW us HOW Jack went to town.:girl:
It s what I call a shopping list sentence. It s just a list of the facts, ma am.:girl: :kiss: :man: :girl: :girl:
If you string enough shopping list , just the facts , sentences together. You :kiss: :man: :kiss: :man:
end up with a very boring story.
The first step in turning a TELLING sentence into a SHOWING sentence is by
simply changing the verb from a passive verb to an active verb.
Passive verbs TELL. Active verbs SHOW.
To change JACK WENT TO TOWN from a boring TELLING sentence into an active
SHOWING sentence you just need to ask a few simple questions.
Start with HOW.
HOW did Jack go to town?
Did he: walk, run, ride a bike, ride a motorcycle, ride a horse, drive a car, a
boat, a covered wagon, fly a plane or a space ship, etc?
SHOWING us HOW Jack went to town can also SHOW us a lot about Jack.
If Jack is in elementary school, he might run to town, or ride his bike to town.
If he is a teenager, he might ride his shiny new motor-bike to town.
If Jack is a playboy, he might drive his shiny new motor-car to town.
Simply change the passive, TELLING verb went, to an active, SHOWING, verb like
drove.
JACK DROVE TO TOWN.
Better.
It SHOWS HOW Jack went to town. It even SHOWS Jack is old enough to drive.
But it's still got a long way to go.
It s still BORING. :girl:
Now ask WHAT did Jack drive to town?
JACK DROVE HIS SNOWMOBILE TO TOWN.
Things are getting a little more exciting.
First it SHOWS Jack is old enough to drive.
It SHOWS us Jack is mature and responsible enough to own a snowmobile.
Unless, he s only a teenager and the snowmobile was a gift.:girl:
But, hey, I m jumping ahead of myself. :girl:
Jack driving a snowmobile to town, shows us a WHEN, and even gives us an idea
WHERE the story takes place.
It s probably wintertime. It s probably in the 20th century or later.:girl: :girl:
Subliminally the reader visualizes snow covered mountains, or vast open ice
lands.
It s what I call the snowball effect. No pun intended. :girl: :kiss: :man:
By SHOWING WHAT takes Jack to town, we can SHOW a little bit about Jack, and
WHEN, and WHERE the story takes place.
What if:
JACK DROVE A COVERED WAGON TO TOWN.
SHOWS: The story is probably historical.
JACK RODE HIS DINOSAUR TO TOWN.
SHOWS: This story is obviously an alternative history.
JACK FLEW HIS SPACESHIP TO TOWN.
SHOWS: This story is probably set in the future, or on another planet, or in
another universe.
Now ask the question is WHY?
WHY did Jack go to town?
He went to town because he WANTED, or NEEDED something.
Anyone who has ever heard me speak has heard me say:
Every story is the same.
The Protagonist wants something.
The Antagonist wants something that directly interferes with the Protagonist
getting what he wants.
In the End, There can be Only One.
Only one of them can win. Only one can actually end up with what they wanted.
Your character's actions should always be motivated by what the character wants
or needs.
So, WHY did Jack drive his snowmobile to town during the worst blizzard in Alaskan
history?
Okay, I just ad-libbed the blizzard. After all, I am an actor.
Was he on a mission to fetch the doctor because someone was dying?
WHY are they dying?
WHAT happened?
Was someone injured in an accident? Was there a murder on the mountain?
Did Jack discover the half eaten corpse of an alien?
WHY does Jack care?
I know it sounds a little ELEMENTARY, my dear Watsons.
Sometimes, we have to go back to the basics.
Sometimes, Occam's razor is right. The simplest solution is usually the right
solution.
The simplest way to change your BORING, TELLING stories into INTERESTING,
SHOWING stories is to dissect and diagram every sentences. One at a time.
Cull out your PASSIVE verbs and replace them with ACTIVE verbs.
Exterminate adverbs.
Adverbs are passive, boring, and TELLING.
Treat ADVERBS like dinosaurs. They look good in a museum, but they wreak havoc
in real life.
SHOW: WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY, and HOW in every sentence if possible.
Include all the senses in your sentences.
JACK WENT TO TOWN may be grammatically correct, but is not esthetically correct.
It SHOWS nothing.
It might be okay for the first draft, but it should be camouflaged and well
hidden by the final draft.
Comb through your manuscript and convert every passive TELLING sentence in your
story into an active SHOWING sentence.
Any questions?
Linda Apple [7:27 PM]
Thank you Vickey!
Remember, type ?? if you have a question
Patricia McKnight [7:28 PM]
Can you give more examples of passive and active verbs?
Linda Apple [7:28 PM]
Remember Patricia, ?? first
vickey malone kennedy [7:29 PM]
Any verb that tells you something happened, instead of showing what is happening or has happened.
went, were, was, is, and are
to be verbs are passive
Myloe Yeager [7:30 PM]
??
Linda Apple [7:30 PM]
Myloe
vickey malone kennedy [7:30 PM]
When you see a verb see if it is waving a little red flag at you or cowering in the corner.
Linda Apple [7:31 PM]
Go ahead Mylow
Mylow
Darnded it! Myloe
Myloe Yeager [7:31 PM]
You said to try to have who, what when, where, and why in every sentence. That seems like a lot. Can you give an example for a couple of sentences in a row, please?
vickey malone kennedy [7:33 PM]
You don't, and probably can't include WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, WHY, and HOW in every sentence. And probably won't need them all in every sentence around the sentence answers one of those questions. But, watch closely for sentences that don't include the answers.
Make sure the reader knows who you are referring to in every sentence.
Linda Apple [7:35 PM]
Vck, in showing vs telling, share with us how this works with writing emotions
oops, it looks like Vickey might have lost her signal.
Oh good, there she is1
vickey malone kennedy [7:38 PM]
Sorry, I was looking for examples.
Show the character crying instead of saying they are sad.
Linda Apple [7:39 PM]
good
vickey malone kennedy [7:40 PM]
SHOW them dancing, instead of TELLING us they are happy.
SHOW furrowed brows instead of TELLING us they are angry.
Most of us can read peoples feelings in their face. They don't have to tell us when they are angry. We see it in the way their eyes narrow, their mouth clinches, the little veins on their foreheads pop up. SHOW that to the reader and you never have to TELL them the character is about to hit something.
Patricia McKnight [7:43 PM]
??
Linda Apple [7:43 PM]
Yes Patricia!
vickey malone kennedy [7:43 PM]
Of course, in good drama, you would follow thru by SHOWING the character hit something.
Linda Apple [7:44 PM]
Patricia.
Patricia McKnight [7:44 PM]
Is it ever appropriate to tell instead of show?
Linda Apple [7:44 PM]
good question
vickey malone kennedy [7:46 PM]
Sure. It's okay to TELL. But, use it sparingly.
We are after all Storytellers. Telling stories is what we do. But, do it in a way that is exciting, interesting, and enjoyable for the reader.
Never bore the readers.
Examine your sentences and ask yourself; Is there a way to SHOW the reader what I am trying to TELL them here, or is TELLING them the only way to make them see the big picture?
Linda Apple [7:49 PM]
To follow up on Patricia's question, what are some instances where we might tell instead of show.
vickey malone kennedy [7:50 PM]
If your character has an internal dialogue going on in a scene. But, even then, try to show the character reacting to outside stimuli instead of just telling the reader how they feel about what is happening to them.
Linda Apple [7:50 PM]
good
Any more questions anyone? We have a few more minutes
Myloe Yeager [7:51 PM]
I'm good. Thank you Vickey!
vickey malone kennedy [7:53 PM]
Stacey sent a few samples for us to work on if anyone would like to try to experiment with changing TELLING sentences into SHOWING ones.
Patricia McKnight [7:54 PM]
??
Linda Apple [7:54 PM]
Patricia
vickey malone kennedy [7:55 PM]
Or does anyone have a few sentences they would like us to work on.
Patricia McKnight [7:55 PM]
I would enjoy trying the samples. I would like to say this has been a new experience for me. Very helpful. Thank you to all.
vickey malone kennedy [7:56 PM]
Thank you Patricia.
Linda Apple [7:56 PM]
Thank you so much Vickey! And before everyone leaves, on September 27, Rhonda Penders of the Wild Rose Press will be with us speaking on "Where Does The Story Start?"
vickey malone kennedy [7:57 PM]
Here's a sentence to look at. A cold chill trickled down Maralee’s arms as the choir director met her gaze and nodded.
Can you find the TELLING parts of this sentence? Can you come up with changes that would make it more SHOWING?
We probably don't have time. I was worried I would rush through the presentation and we would just be sitting here twiddling our thumbs for forty-five minutes.
Linda Apple [8:00 PM]
Time whooshes by!
Myloe Yeager [8:00 PM]
met?
vickey malone kennedy [8:00 PM]
Excellent. Met is a PASSIVE, TELLING verb.
at least in that sentence
there are other things too, but that's the way to start
Linda Apple [8:01 PM]
Thank you Vickey!
Girls, it is time
This has been fun and informative.
Gina Hoffman [8:01 PM]
Thanks!!!!
vickey malone kennedy [8:01 PM]
Wow, the hour went by quickly. Thanks for having me. I hope it wasn't too boring.
Myloe Yeager [8:01 PM]
It was great!
Staci Mauney [8:02 PM]
Thanks, Vickey! That was great information! And thanks to everyone who participated tonight!
Linda Apple [8:02 PM]
Night everyone! Join us and Rhonda in September!
vickey malone kennedy [8:02 PM]
Thank you, Linda. You did good.
Linda Apple [8:03 PM]
Awwww, shucks!
Have a great evening everyone1
vickey malone kennedy [8:04 PM]
vickey malone kennedy [8:15 PM]
I have to apologize. I just realized I must have pasted some of the material twice. Also, just realized the apostrophe's weren't showing up. Dang it. I thought I had worked out all the kinks.
Shelley Pagach [8:16 PM]
No worries Vicky! It was great!
